So this isn't an Emotional Development question for children, it's my OWN emotional development question! Is that allowed in this category? I hope so... I need help! So I'm hoping any of you Smart Mommies can share your thoughts-
I think my biggest challenge with being a mom is this constant nagging guilt I feel. If I'm running on the treadmill, I feel guilt because I'm having my girls zone out in front of a TV show for an hour every morning while I run and shower. But if I don't run I feel guilt because I'm not taking care of myself. If I say "I can't play with you right now, I'm cleaning/cooking dinner/etc" I feel guilt because I should be paying more attention to my kids. But if I play with my kids, I feel guilt because my house isn't getting any cleaner and there are a thousand projects I should be doing. If I practice my music lessons I feel guilty because it takes time away from my kids and house. But if I don't practice I feel guilt because I'm wasting money on lessons and not helping myself develop talents. If I am strict with my kids I feel guilt. But if I am too lenient I feel guilt. And the list goes on... I know, it's ridiculous.
I know there is a HAPPY medium somewhere, and several times I feel like I've found it- where I can enjoy the moment and not worry about other things, and enjoy my children and be content with how things are going. But all too soon it slips away and the guilt starts creeping in again.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Is this just a common factor of being a mom? What do you do? Any good books/scriptures/quotes you can recommend? I would love to read your insights of how you enjoy being a mom, move past guilt, and be satisfied with your efforts as a mother without being guilt-ridden. Please share!!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
GUITLY as charged...
Posted by Rachel at 10:49 PM
Labels: Emotional development
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Oh, the eternal battle of GUILT. How familiar all this sounds. It is so hard to balance the very many demands for young mothers. Some of the best advice I have read was, "You may FEEL like your kids need you all the time, and they may feel like they need you all the time, but they don't." THAT said, I have to really watch out that I don't overdo my personal time because I would love to zone out my kids most of the time and listen to them happily entertain themselves. But, then I miss it. It's a tough act. I will never give up my precious 30 minutes of shower, and they are free to zone with the TV because I know that if I can just do that one thing for myself in the morning, I am SUCH a better mom. Maybe that's the way to free the guilt-if you can honestly tell yourself "Does this help me a better mom?"
That's a good thought, Megan- to evaluate the time I feel guilty about spending away from my kids and ask if it's helping me fulfill my role better. I'll think about this. And I like that quote too. My mom said that same thing- they don't need my attention and response 100%- to let them have their quiet times to themselves just like I need my quiet time to myself. Thanks Megs!
I had the luxury for quite some time of having my children all take a nap at the same time. That meant I had 1-2 hours all to myself. I wanted to do all those things that I wanted to do--read, puzzles, crochet, sew, etc. But then I thought I probably should be cleaning the house, laundry, weeding, etc--make my time count. I constantly had this battle inside going until I talked to my friend one day and her mom just happened to come over. The mom raised 8 children and they all turned out fine. She said that I shouldn't feel guilty for not doing the "necessities" because they will still be there. In other words, if I spent my time cleaning there will still be cleaning to do the next day, or even the next hour. Her counsel was to take time for myself because I needed to recharge my batteries so I could be a better mom. If I don't get to enjoy some of my time then I will resent all the other things that I had to do--like cleaning and taking care of children. Now I don't feel guilty about taking the time for me. Other things stack up, and I don't necessarily get everything done I want or should, but I'm happier.
Another thing I do, I pray every morning that I will be able to set my priorities straight and I will be able to set aside my plans for the "teaching moments." I have been amazed at how well this has worked. I'm still able to get a lot done but with a different attitude. For example, today I wanted to finish the Halloween pillowcases I am making for my 3 children. Each one takes maybe 10 minutes to sew, but today it took me 1 hour to finish two. Why?Because Hiram my 4 year old wanted to help me sew, so he was on my lap and we were working together. Adin, my 9 month old, was systematically destroying my craft room and I was constantly getting up to put things out of his reach. Cilisia, my 2 year old, found the magnetic letters and she wanted me to help her find the letters in her name, and my name, and Adin's name, and Hiram's name. So even though it took me an hour to do a 20 minute project--I accomplished two goals, pillowcases and spending time with my children.
Sorry this is an essay but I hope it helps. Good luck, you are doing just fine if you and your family is happy! :)
Post a Comment